Felix Ever After by Kacen Callender

This amazing book and its characters have completely captured my heart! Felix Ever After is one of the most beautiful, thought-provoking, heartfelt and raw coming-of-age stories I’ve ever read. It’s so educational and deals with so many important topics, but it’s also such a light, captivating and enjoyable read.

“I’m not flaunting anything. I’m just existing. This is me. I can’t hide myself. I can’t disappear. And even if I could, I don’t fucking want to. I have the same right to be here, I have the same right to exist.”

The story follows seventeen-year-old black trans boy Felix Love, who despite his surname has never been in love and who is afraid that he might be one marginalization too many to ever get his own happily-ever-after. Felix lives with his single dad, after his mother abandoned them when he was younger, and is feeling a lot of pressure to get a scholarship to get into Brown University. To gain extra credits he’s doing a summer art program at a posh Manhattan school together with his best friend Ezra. But this summer will not only be about managing the pressure to create a college application worthy portfolio but about managing life on a wider level and navigating homophobia, his dad’s incomprehension, his own feelings towards a classmate and his best friend, as well as the constant nagging feeling in his chest making him questioning himself and his own identity and the labels attributed to him.

When Felix first could put words on what he was feeling, after reading the book “I am J” by Cris Beam, it was such an epiphany for him:

“Reading about J, it was like... I don’t know, not only did a lightbulb go off in me, but the sun itself came out from behind these eternal clouds, and everything inside me blazed with the realization: I’m a guy.”

But now, a few years in his transition, he’s still on his journey to self-discovery and to feeling at home in his gender identity. I really, really appreciated the part with Felix being happy for the transition and for being a trans boy, but still actively questioning the gender binary. The book was so educational, open and honest, and I got so many insights from the discussions Felix had with himself, his friends and the support group. I also appreciated all open-minded discussions about labels and how they can be useful for some and even offer protection and be a means to understanding and acceptance, while others might find them limiting and difficult, not wanting to use them at all. As Felix’s friend Ezra put it:

“I honestly don’t care that much about labels. I mean, I know they’re important to a lot of people, and I can see why - I’m not knocking them. It’s just... I kind of wish we could exist without having to worry about putting ourselves into categories. If there were no straight people, no violence or abuse or homophobia or anything, would we even need labels, or would we just be?”

Overall, this is one of my favorite books ever! I stayed up all night to read it in one sitting, so invested in Felix and Ezra and the others, and so captivated by the beautiful, honest and wonderful story. Felix Ever After is the perfect mix of important insights, first love, self-discovery, fear, hope and happiness and wonderful friendships. I rooted almost as much for Ezra as I did for Felix, and their friendship is one of the most supportive and wonderful ones I’ve seen in literature. This is also a story that is soaked in diversity and representation in such a refreshing way, giving so many positive examples of queer identities. Honestly, it’s such an insightful and important book that everyone should read! I know it will stay with me for a very long time.

I just have one tiny, tiny complaint and that is that I would have liked to know more about Felix’s mother. For an ending going full circle she would have at least responded to his last email, preferably with an understandable explanation, but at least with some kind of acceptance of Felix as her son. But who knows, if we are lucky, maybe we will get a sequel with Felix being accepted at Brown, following him at college and when he gets in touch with his mother again? One can always hope…

Rating:
5 stars

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​Author info:
Kacen Callender